Today is Friendship Day....especially those who are deaf or have MS

C.S. Lewis said of friendship: “It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up – painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.”

Practicing charity (love) is a toughie depending on someone's view because we might argue over things that we love which can cause damages to the friendship. If its hard to forgive, then it is hard to love another because love unconditionally forgives. Love hopes all things (1 Corinth 13). Love refuses to take human failure as final. Love never keeps a record of wrongs. Love forgives and love is unable to think about them anymore. Forget the past and move on.

After being diagnosed with MS, coping with disabilities including MS and hearing-impairment, I have lost my own self-confidence. I even remembered their comments about my own confidence why they no longer want to be my friends, those comments affected my thinking in the past 7 years. I was struggling with my newly diagnosed MS while dealing with major problems at work. I am very thankful for my co-workers. Most of them, I worked with for 20 years or longer. They are family to me and they were there for me. Many of them have retired and will be retiring. One of my close friends have just retired on Friday (July 31st). She will always be one of my close friends even though I won't see her as much. I won't be seeing her at work as I used to.

Earlier, during the time I was diagnosed with MS, I have lost some friends especially to those who I admire and respect. I have not seen many of them for years now. The best way to determine if a person is real friend is when you are alone. Looking back, I have learned that a real friend is someone who will help you through tough time and stand beside you through anything even if they dislike the choices you make but they will say they are happy for you and they are the one who will stick up for you will you need them.

"Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows." ~ author unknown

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friendship is neither a formality nor a mode: it is rather a life." ~ David Grayson

Remember, you know who your friends and close relatives are by noticing that they are with you for life regardless what happens.

Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself

My wake-up call about my life, my marriage and my future occurred in between 2002 and 2003 during the time I was struggling and dealing my life-changing illness. I always love "history". What is "true maturity"? Maturity means acting responsibly; it means learning from my mistakes and trying not to make the same ones over again. Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way.

Learning the hard way. Is there a difference between a rumor and a piece of gossip? A rumor is a piece of information or a story that has not been verified, meaning that the person telling it doesn’t know if it’s true or false. A rumor might be true, it might be partially true and partially made up, or it might be totally made up. Unless somebody can definitely say that a story is real or fake, it will stay a rumor.

Never make a defense or an apology until you are accused. ~King Charles I

If I wronged a special friend and I want to fix it but unable due to avoidance. Obviously, my human heart is very selfish. My heart is the source of my emotions, thoughts and motives. My heart is the place of conscience. My heart is the part of my being where I desire, deliberate, and decide. I have faults like everyone else. When confronted, I will repent and ask for forgiveness. When I am not confronted and rumors are going around, then I am unable to defend myself from exaggerations (false rumors).

I have learned over the years that Christ's definition of Beatitudes (Matthew 5) contradicts Flesh's (the world’s) definition of happiness.

There are people so addicted to exaggeration they can't tell the truth without lying. ~Josh Billings

Man is inclined to exaggerate almost everything - except his own mistakes. ~Author Unknown

Private matters from someone who knows the details of one person's situation, and then speaking those things to others when a person should not do so. If there are past hurts, or unresolved conflicts, keep them to yourselves unless you confront the accused and have your story verified.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. ~William Arthur Ward

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. ~Paul Boese
It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. ~William Blake, Jerusalem

Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. ~Roberto Assagioli

When I was diagnosed, losing friends was part of reality

After being diagnosed with MS, coping with disabailities including MS and hearing-impairement, I have lost my own self-confidence. I even remembered their comments about my own confidence why they no longer want to be my friends, those comments affected my thinking in the past 6 years. It appears I became a pest to some.

I had similar problems in local churches and Christians.

I even had my own problems at work because I was struggling with my newly diagnosed MS while dealing with major problems at work. I am very thankful for my co-workers. Most of them, I worked with for 20 years or longer. They are family to me and they were there for me.

For past 6 years, I have met many very positive people who seemed to have taken charge of their disabilities and were actively searching for answers to their problems WHILE living very normal lives.

I have learned a great deal about my own Multple Sclerosis over the past 6 years ever since I was diagnosed in April 22, 2002. I got divorced within a year. While at the same time, during my own struggle with self-confidence, I have lost some friends especially to those who I admire and respect. I have not seen many of them for 5 years now. The best way to determine if a person is real friend is when you are alone. Looking back, I have learned that a real friend is someone who will help you through tough time and stand beside you through anything even if they dislike the choices you make but they will say they are happy for you and they are the one who will stick up for you will you need them.

I didn't gain my self-confidence back until one woman who came into my life after I got divorced. I kept thinking about how amazing God works in me which have made me stronger in heart and mind. He taught me to be humbled about my life.

It appears that after MS, that I have a "new" life with "new" friends. It was like I was starting all over with new relationships and new friends. Finding friends who truly accepts you will take time.

I have learned that MS has no significant effect on life expectancy and not all MS patients are alike. I like this quote I read somewhere by Frank Cousins, who survived more than twenty years after he was given just a few weeks to live, used to say, "Accept the diagnosis but don’t accept the verdict that comes with it." MS Society has a great slogan, "You have MS. MS doesn’t have you." Our adversaries have made our will strong and made our desires to live stronger which caused our determination to be strong. Regardless whether I am deaf or have Multiple Sclerosis or whatever else is affecting me, I should look on the positive side of my life. Attitude is important. Attitude towards cultures is important. Attitude towards life is important. Therefore, attitude about my own life is very very important.

I will be 50 years old in about 4 weeks and I have learned about human nature in my life. When interacting with people, we may be able to fool other people, and often, we do not realize this ourselves, we often fool ourselves. If we can learn to be honest with ourselves our conscience will prevent us from undertaking regrettable actions.

"Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows." ~ author unknown

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Friendship is neither a formality nor a mode: it is rather a life." ~ David Grayson

Remember, you know who your friends and close relatives are by noticing that they are with you for life regardless what happens.

Valentine Message in my other Blog....

Valentine Month about LOVE: Loving my wife

Accepting As I am.....................

To continue from Lisa's blog about why I am blogging, in Today, in Merelyme's blog, she writes about "Loving Yo'self: Part One". I recommend that you read her blog because she made some interesting points which made me think. I think this is a good topic to discuss in your own blog. Both Merelyme's and Lisa's blogs have made provoking thoughts about why we blog and why we need to love ourselves.

We blog because we want to love ourselves as we are even when we dislike what we are or how our lives are living. I am going to repeat what I said a comment section:

There are times that I do not like myself but I love who I am. I am accepting as who I am while trying to work on areas that I don't like. However, in some departments, I can't do anything about them because they are "part of me" regardless. Accepting myself can be difficult at times. I am learning not to do "I can do it myself" approach because when I do that, I think I am capable of anything when in reality, I can't. I want people to see me with approval without judgements but I can't do anything about their thoughts and attitudes. They are not in my control. But I can control myself with help because whether I believe it or not, it's a fact that God is in control of my life. If I don't believe it, I'm just robbing myself of the enjoyment of the fact. There is no question that my adversities are difficult and it usually takes me by surprise and seems to strike me when I am most vulnerable. I am very aware of the fact that pain is necessary in order to lear to cope with my life. Sometimes, I fail to remember the place of suffering in the broader scheme of things. For me to refuse suffering is to refuse my personal growth.

I love who I am but I dislike who I am. Interest paradox huh?

This is a good topic and I am going to link your blog in my blog today. Thanks for sharing.

Jim

Love

There's talk of love around the blog and I thought I share mine.

Practicing charity (love) is a toughie depending on someone's view because we might argue over things that we love which can cause damages to the friendship. If its hard to forgive, then it is hard to love another because love unconditionally forgives. Love hopes all things (1 Corinth 13). Love refuses to take human failure as final. Love never keeps a record of wrongs. Love forgives and love is unable to think about them anymore. Forget the past and move on.

Have a great night everyone and I will be back to my "normal" blogging. I am tired tonight.

Jim :)

Famous mother of children with disabilities

Legendary opera singer Beverly Sills passed away at the age of 78 (May 25, 1929 – July 2, 2007). "Bubbles" was an American icon and was once compared to the Statue of Liberty. Katie Couric pays tribute to the diva. (CBSNews.com)


Beverly was perhaps the best-known American opera singer in the 1960s and 1970s. Sills' now high-profile career landed her on the cover of Time magazine in 1971, labeling her as "America's Queen of Opera." Sills focused a more important force for popularizing opera than any other singer of her era through her many appearances on talk shows, including those with Johnny Carson, Dick Cavett, David Frost, Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin, and Dinah Shore. Sills even had her own talk show, "Lifestyles with Beverly Sills" on NBC. In 1979 she even appeared on The Muppet Show. She co-hosted The View for Best Friends Week on November 9, 2006, as Barbara Walters' best friend. She said that she didn't sing anymore, even in the shower, to preserve the memory of her voice.

With her daughter, Muffy, at her bedside, Beverly Sills succumbed to cancer on July 2, 2007, at the age of 78. Sills lent her celebrity to further her charity work for the prevention and treatment of birth defects. See more in Special mother to the special children. Her two children, Muffy, at age two, she was diagnosed as suffering from severe hearing loss and then several months later, Peter was diagnosed as mentally retarded. Years later, Muffy also was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. National MS Society Mourns the Loss of Beverly Sills Greenough In 2005, Beverly Sills and Carol Burnett (friendship lasting three decades), were together again in public to raise funds for multiple sclerosis,that afflicts her daughter.

Why am I telling you this? I went to a deaf school with Muffy near Boston for about 5 years before she moved to New York. Then I saw her again at NTID (RIT) for two years. After I heard about her being diagnosed with MS, I contacted her again and chatted for a bit before we lost touch with each other. I am hoping to reach her again someday which I think I will. By the way, when in school outside Boston, we had a crush on each other but we were kids (around 10 years old).

To learn more about Bevery Sills, to go: Beverly Sills Online

By the way, about two months later, on September 6, 2007, another great opera singer Luciano Pavarotti has died at 71 after a year-long battle with pancreatic cancer. There will never be anyone to impact the opera scene the same way that Sills or Pavarotti did.

Mind-body Medicine

Tonight, I will be attending the first meeting of a new group that is for "Men with MS". I have been thinking and wonder who the men are and what they would be like. I do hope they will have positive attitude about their life. I want to be involved with group of men who have something in common and hopefully we can have a social life together and develop meaningful friendship. Most of all, I hope they also have positive attitude about life and their MS. Heck, I sure hope some of them love to play golf. I missed playing golf.

I have seen that there are literally thousands of articles on how the mind and brain affect the body. When a person can focus on something other than their own illness, this allows the body to take advantage of our own healing capacity. Accepting may be the most important step toward finding success and happiness by focusing on the term “All disabilities or weaknesses are part of life’s challenges". We need to be self-aware by using our ability to accept the existence of our weaknesses and identify our strengths and weaknesses rather than dwell solely on the negative aspects of our weaknesses.

A positive attitude is often key to a successful life and sometimes we fall into the bad habit of negativity. I have a positive attitude, and I am optimistic about my future. Whenever I find myself not being positive, I try to put into perspective how fortunate I truly am, and usually what I'm upset about ends up looking pretty trivial. Whenever my positive attitude gets deflated, I get depressed. In order to have positive attitudes, I have to learn to “respect my bad habits." Habits don't develop in a vacuum. Without understanding the value of my habit, I will never consider methods for replacing them with something easier to adapt with. So therefore, rather than “beating” my habits, I need to understand that my habits are my “weaknesses”. I view weaknesses as disabilities. Those with disabilities have learned to accept and adapt life with their own weaknesses and therefore, we can learn from them.

The right perspective is to understand that in the trouble of life this is part of it trying to discern what God is doing in the trouble of it. James says count it all joy when you fall into various trials cause trials have a perfecting work. Peter says after you've suffered a while the Lord will make you perfect. God uses suffering to reveal our spiritual condition. If I keep forgetting the basic meanings of God's grace, I would become a bitter, angry, and cantankerous person just because things are not going "my way". Trials come to us to reveal what we really dwell on. I have to remember that no one else can take responsibility for my private life. Health is mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wholeness which health is a gift from God, but I am responsible alone to create a proper attitude. Grace teaches me that I am to continue to rejoice and praise God even in the midst of my trials and suffering in this earthly life! Trials come to test the strength of our faith because they assist us in the knowledge of our own faith to cope with our daily lives. (Genesis 22:1-18, Malachi 3:3-4, 1 Peter 1:6-9).

Shameless Lions Writers Circle Award

This week, I got nominated for "Shameless Lions Writers Circle Award" by a fellow blogger, Whimsy. I was honored thankful to be noticed by anyone who read my blog. (edited for spelling)

Since this blog only been around since December, I don't have many bloggers to nominate and I want to pick three of my fellow bloggers. I read alot bloggers who likes to talk about political, Christianity, Disabilities, Deafness, Scottish and Multiple Sclerosis.

Since I have been on in December, I ran into many bloggers who have MS as I do and I happy that there are others out there who are like me.

I want to nominate those who have grabbed the most attention from me that I look forward to read.

1. The Babblings of Whimsicalnbrainpan She is one of the first bloggers I ran into and been reading since. I look forward for her latest postings.

2. Word Salads,the Demyelination of Me She also have MS and she is also hard of hearing like me. I enjoy reading her posts because she shares with heartwarming words that I can relate to.

3. Multiple Synchronicities & Sclerosis (I write about a whole lotta other stuff too!) Her blog is unique and everytime I go there and read, she always surprises me with her posts. There are times I go in there and wondering "what will she be talking about today?". LOL

Worthy of mention: Down the MS Path(A Multiple Sclerosis Blog for Everybody . . . and a few related health issues, too) Vicki shares what she knows out there and I am always learning something new through her blogs. Her latest post is about "International Day of Disabled Persons".

I always had trouble writing grammar since I don't "hear" everyhing what people are saying so often people will tell me that my grammar is off. My grammar will ALWAYS be off and I am trying to improve my grammar but it is not easy. I know it is important that a care of words and terms of art are important when you write to get people's attention.

Sometimes, it is hard for me to speak my thoughts, opinions and exrpessions so blogging helps me. I want to share my life with others of what is going on inside of me: thoughts, feelings, attitudes, sentiments and opinions. Often I think back of my mistakes when I slip of being too blunt or something I said which I regreted or something is on my mind that came right out. Sometimes to direct that I may have hurt someone's feelings. At times I didn't know that until my wife mentions to me that sometimes my bluntness can hurt feelings. From my experience as a "deaf" person. There are differences between deaf people and hearing people: developmental and cultural in communication style. Deaf people communicate more bluntly than hearing people. Within the educational process, deaf students are taught more direct and more blunt than normal hearing education system. Deaf people are very blunt with each other. If one Deaf person thinks that another is portly, he will say so. Deaf people find no need to use politically correct terms or make indirect statements because they lose meaning.

Blogging is one way of me working on my "bluntness" in my communication with others. Please take my rather bold and blunt language as criticism or however you are taking as you read. They are not criticism but rather expressions of my thoughts and feelings. I can learn to disagree and move on. We need to start respecting other's people beliefs and learn to agree to disagree. I just want hear everyone thoughts even agree to disagree if needed.

Friendship

My wife and I have been married less than 5 years and together as a couple, we are having trouble finding friendship with another couple with similar interests. Often it is recommended that newly married couples gravitate toward other married couples. It makes for a nice, even number and lets you see how other couples handle their relationships. C.S. Lewis said of friendship: “It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up – painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.” It is hard to make friends, especially for enthusiastic initial introverts like my wife and I. I mean, we're friendly folks, but we are too busy developing friendships. My wife and I are best friends and we both do desire friendship with people who are within our ages and have something in common to share with. She got friends and I have friends. Finding a new friendship as a couple can be more complex than on one’s own, if only because there are four people who have to get along. It's difficult to find another couple who is at a similar stage in life. We both work and we are busy with our children, schedules and other family activities. There are times, we like to have non-family activities with friends. We both like to play board games, watch movies, play Euchre , going bowling, putt-putt and many others. We are "home people". We don't smoke. We are not party people and don't care for parties unless it is New Year's Eve, Birthdays and etc. We are not closed-minded people and we so open-minded enjoy discussing all kinds of issues. We are normal couples who are Christians but we are not closed minded or judge others. We will never be perfect in this world and we are sinners like everyone else around this world. We do not to persuade people to follow our beliefs because only God can take care of that. Its that simple. Practicing charity (love) is a toughie depending on someone's view from where they are sitting/experiencing. That if we have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make our joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. (Philippians 2:1-2).

We just don't want to deal with with swingers that are not really looking for friendship but rather activity. We are not looking for what they are looking for. We want to have activities like husbands playing golf while wives do something else. We like going out and socializing and its much more fun with another couple or group of people. We do not care what other couples do in their own private lives, as long as they are happy and committed to each other, that's all that matters.

I have looked into www.kupples.com or www.couplets.com. They were featured on the Today Show-NBC. Swingers are not allowed and will be kicked off as these are not swinger sites. But, they do not seem to work so we will keep moving on with our lives until God connects us with another couple.