Hot Topic: Frank and Direct Talk about Sex (Please don't read if you want to read this).

Sex, who don't like sex?

Often "normal able" people assume that no one could ever desire disabled sexually, or that they could ever have satisfying sex lives. Many of us can and do. I love sex and I am happily sexually. My wife is my lover and best friend. We both are open minded sexually and have alot in common. When a couple makes love, they are entering into a state of oneness; it's a oneness described in Genesis, when a man shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Sex in marriage should always center around love. Whether simply for enjoyment or for purposes of procreation, love must be the central point of contact for the two. The gift of sharing your sexuality with each other is to bring oneness, joy, love, nurture, and fun to your relationship. It's important for each couple to negotiate how they are going to talk about their sexual relationship together. To talk honestly about our sexuality, sexual preferences, fears, feelings about our bodies, struggles, joys—this is intimacy, deep friendship with trust and faithfulness. The most important sexual organ is your brain. Using your imagination and playing together are important for a healthy marriage and sexual relationship. If you're both having fun, neither of you feels degraded, there is no physical or psychological pain, you are growing in your oneness, and expressing your love for each other, then enjoy! Whatever you do to enhance your sexual enjoyment, be sure it draws you more deeply into passionate oneness with your mate. We are simply following our desires and passions sexually. We both are open to explore everything sexually and many considered to be kinky. We can enjoy being "nice" for most of time while being nasty in the bedroom. We want to have a normal marriage and sex is just our "sanctuary of love" that we can enjoy explore, have fun and have some great orgasms. We focus on "making love" by bonding, and deepening our emotional connection. We share our fantasies and enact those fantasy roles together. Sexual fantasies play an important role in the happiness of each married couples' sexual lives. Discussing sexual fantasies does lend itself to excitement. Sharing fantasies can be liberating because sharing fantasies can increase trust and intimacy in most married couples. Fantasies are extremely personal and there are risks involved in disclosing them, especially to someone you care for. I have learned that lack of communication sexually is often the primary cause of unhappiness within the marriage. Often when one spouse doesn’t know how the other really feels because there has been no direct discussion of sex. When discussing sex, be open and let your mate know that you’re talking about something very important to you. You never know what your spouse likes unless you talk. Most of my fantasies are very compatible with my wife's fantasies which I am surprised and very happy. In order to have a warm, joyful, fulfilling relationship in which shared experiences encourage mutual growth and happiness is being open-minded with loving care heart. Confide all of who you really are. No masks. Share everything, including your wildest fantasies. I know that is very bold and very risky. Fantasies aren’t good or bad and there should be no judgment involved. Having a wild fantasy doesn’t mean it has to be expressed in reality. In order to have a wonderful exclusive and monogamy sexual relationship, we are to feel free sexually and feel sexual without restrictions.

There are specific issues and problems related to sex that we face as disabled people. There are also unique and wonderful experiences we get to have because of the disability. We do sex differently because of our disabilities. Mainstream society, in my experience, tends to portray disabled people as not really having sexualities, or to assume that sex, even if we wanted it, isn't something that we're capable of. Boy, I believe disabled people are more creative sexually than able people. We have the ability to explore sex creattively.

I have found blogs written by disable people talking about sex like this one who wrote an interesting poem called: Disabled Lovers, Two wheelchairs as one. There this women discussing about sex in her life in her blog called Disability and sex that she had to learn that disabled people had sex lives and that she could have one, too.

By the way, my wife and I have toys that enhances our sexual relationship. We have learned to be more open minded. :)

There is are books out there similar to this book for couples: Enabling Romance: A Guide to Love, Sex, and Relationships for the Disabled (and the People Who Care About Them) (And the People Who Care About Them)