Thursday, October 16, 2008

Do (romantic) relationships between Deaf and hearing people work?

My answer would be yes. I am deaf and my wife is hearing. Like any relationship, communication is the key. The hardest part of our relationship is when we spend time with groups of friends who are all Deaf and my wife ends up feeling left out and isolated. I have come to terms how to handle this with grace and understanding. Over the years, I have learned more about people losing their hearing due to loud noises (i.e. music). There are many couples when one spouse is losing hearing have created a marriage problem. In couples where one party loses hearing after the bond is formed, their sexual relationship can be affected the most. In many cases, good relationships have not developed. While hearing loss hasn't caused the problem, it makes the problem more insoluble. Sex often depends upon the right time and the right atmosphere. A hearing impaired person often misses or cannot understand romantic cues. Each couple develops its own sense of mood, of energy and spontaneity. Some like each step in the process planned. Each bond has its own sense of timing, but in the person who is hearing impaired, the sense of timing is thrown off. Spontaneity gets lost. Something is wrong and each person feels to blame. Seldom do they discuss it. Communication BREAKS down. Communication is the key regardless if people are hearing or deaf or both.

I am hard of hearing, without my hearing-aids, I am totally deaf. AT night we make love and we use some light in order to communicate. Talk about what feels good, what feels right, what is enjoyable.

2 comments:

Meryl said...

I'm deaf and hubby's hearing -- great relationship. Three kids and married almost two decades. Communication is key just like you say. No different than any other relationship except hubby has to work around communicating with me in the dark and he does.

Jojo said...

This is only my best assumption based on what I observed. In my 15 years (I'm a hearing person.) of being with the deaf, a male deaf marrying a hearing wife proves to be more successful than the opposite situation. As what you have mentioned, good communication is the key. Since deaf people are more straightforward in dealing with things, a hearing wife tends to be forbearing and patient with their deaf husbands. :-)

Jojo
Filipino Deaf from the Eyes of a Hearing Person